March 23 - A Friend
Loyalty is my middle name - until I feel like you crossed me, until I feel like you used me, or until I completely withdraw for no apparent reason. Maybe that's an addiction characteristic, or maybe I just have some underlying issues, but the fact is...sometimes I just completely withdraw from the world.
During my drinking days, I'd withdraw for weeks at a time. My dad called it, "going dark." The thing that drove me up the wall is when he would ask me "why." I DON'T KNOW WHY! I really don't. Well...at least I didn't. Now I know why I went dark:
I hold things in, and I am selfish. I'm passive-aggressive. I'm an introverted extrovert. My shame and guilt (and outright rebellion) kept me from answering my phone. And if I went a few days without talking to you, I'd have to eventually explain "why", and I didn't know why, so I kept ignoring you. I did that in my relationships, my close friendships, and in my family. If I'm not careful, I still do it today.