I'm tired of trying. My soul is weary, my faith is weak, and I'm hungry for you.
Just a word from you. Please, Father. You give me life, and I'm still hanging onto your promises.
Even when my eyes don't see it, even when I don't believe it - I know you are for me. You know what I need before I know I need it. So I let go. I let go and follow. I won't worry about tomorrow. I live by faith, not sight.
You're my provider, you're my strength, you're my everything.
You've carried me through darker days than this one.
Today I lift my hands upward - not just in praise, but in the hopes that you'll pick me up. You're a loving Father, and I am your child. I need the comfort only you can provide. I'd do anything just to be in your arms again.
Not a day goes by that I don't remember what you did for me. You saved my life, Jesus. On my darkest day, you were there.
Bring me back to that place of surrender. I'm so tired of this world, Father.
Hear the cry of my heart, Lord. You have my faith, you have my full surrender.
You've got it all covered. You are for me, and I am for you.
Though it hurts, and though I've been reduced to nothing by the standards of this world, you are everything. Less of me, more of you. Let your will be done in my life, Father.
Even the breath in my lungs belongs to you. It's all yours. It all belongs to you.
Help my unbelief and give me wisdom. I trust you.
All things work together for the good of those who love you. Father, I love you. Though all I feel is weakness, you're my strength. Though life is heavy, your burden is light. Though the enemy knocks on my door, you are my safety.
I surrender my striving to you. Only you can do this, God. Take center stage in my spirit. Just take over. Less of me, more of you. Make my life an offering. Search my heart, and find something that brings glory to your Kingdom.
You're my Creator, and my purpose rests in you. Amen.
Even When My Eyes Don't See It
Have you ever felt lost in your faith? Like...God has carried me so far, and He's shown me such a promising future, yet I somehow still feel lost and confused.
First of all, confusion is a sure sign the enemy is attacking you. God does not bring confusion. Mystery, yes, but never confusion. (1 Corinthians 14:33)
You have to remember this and cling to what you know is true - Jesus. (Hebrews 13:8)
I don't always feel it, and I certainly don't always believe it, but that doesn't mean God has lost control. (In fact, it usually just means I've tried to take control on my own.) Good works are important, but let's not forget that God is more interested in what He can do through us than anything we could ever do for Him. It's better to let go, trust His (often ridiculously slow) timing, and praise Him in the waiting.
Patience is funny. Like, it should be easy - to let go and let God. For whatever reason, it just isn't easy for me. I try to force things, and when they don't work, I try something new. This inevitably leaves me with 642 projects on my hands, and zero results. Then I complain about feeling confused, stressed, and overwhelmed.
I already feel encouraged after writing this out, telling God how I feel, and being real with you. Something happens when we bring our darkness into the light. The light wins every time, and in the light, we find our way - one step at a time.
Remember that God isn't going to give you the plan. If He did, you wouldn't need Him. Faith would have no purpose. Trust would have no meaning. Life would suddenly become a pointless existence.
God will always show you the next step, though. Psalm 119 says His word is a lamp to our feet. A lamp doesn't illuminate everything - darkness will still exist around you. You're still going to feel scared sometimes. But you've got your lamp, and that's enough to take another step toward eternity. You can always trust that God's angel armies surround you with provision and protection. Fear is Satan's oldest trick in the book. Yes, fear can be real, but perfect love drives out all fear. (1 John 4:18) God always wins.
Will you let go and follow? Will you trust Him? Will you take one step in faith today? Spiritual steps will take you farther than your feet ever could.
Even when my eyes don't see it, even when I don't believe it - I know God is for me.
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CLTIVATE is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization, based in Charlotte, North Carolina. Our mission is to cultivate the fight against addiction. Thank you so much for your love and support!