I got an email this morning saying my checking account has dropped below $0.
To be honest, I'm not even a little bit scared. That isn't the first time I've run out of money on this journey.
If I'm truly following Jesus and giving 100%, I should run out of money, right!? My own father doesn't believe in what I'm doing. In our last phone call, he told me, "It's ok to love God and have a normal life." He said that as he was "encouraging" me to get another full-time job. Lots of other people say that to me, too. But those people don't know my heart, and they most certainly don't know my relationship with Jesus. It's my duty to receive everything with grace - even criticism. It's my duty to carry out the work He started in me, and it's my duty to fulfill the Great Commission.
Dad, chances are pretty strong you'll never read this. You haven't even bothered to look at my Instagram and see the work I do. (Which makes me feel pretty unloved, by the way. Remember when I was little and played basketball and baseball? You showed up for those games. So why aren't you showing up now?)
I spend 100% of my time pouring into others. I lead an international bible study with over 100 people. I speak at churches and treatment centers, and I spend the rest of my time serving homeless people - even when I don't have a place to rest my own head at night. That's my job now, dad. I'll be praying that the Lord will show you life isn't about money or having a new Mercedes. Jesus is my Mercedes, my mansion, my food, my shelter, and my clothing. I love you so much, dad. And I forgive you for not understanding this life I live.
My trust is in you, Jesus, and I do not care what that looks like to the rest of the world. You already gave up your life for me, so here's mine. I love you, Lord. Amen.
Moonlight Beach. Encinitas, CA. 2:36pm.
Song of the Day: Sleeping at Last - "Currents"