25 million Americans struggle with drug addiction or alcoholism. That's not ok.
CLTIVATE is a new non-profit, based in Charlotte, North Carolina. Founded by a former addict/alcoholic, this is about cultivating addiction awareness, and showing the world that life is SO WORTH LIVING.
We do that through recovery events, speaking engagements, community outreach, fitness initiatives, hiking trips, our national tour, music festivals, our brand, social media, and by providing direct support to those who reach out for help.
Instead of having some hotline people have to call, here's my actual phone number: 704-277-4744. Call or text me anytime. That's how much I care.
Feel free to click around and learn more about us! We'd love your support! -Zack Gudzan, Founder
Donate $50 or more, and receive a free shirt, along with our eternal gratitude for helping us do this!
My mind wasn't really working this morning (it never is), so I decided to hit my knees in prayer. Then it got really uncomfortable like three seconds into the prayer - most likely because I was praying in the shower with scalding hot water hitting a tiny bald spot on the side of my head that I didn't even know was there until yesterday.
I don't really know what I prayed about, but I remember being kinda nervous and slightly anxious about going to meet someone for coffee. Meeting people doesn't bother me - I just hate being social in the morning. But I made an exception today, because it's a person I really care about.
The coffee kicked in around 11am, and I felt normal for 30 seconds, even though I don't know what normal is. Then the racing thoughts began to happen - you know, spinning impossible scenarios in my mind, and using every bit of self control I have to not say exactly what's on my mind, because that would be bad. That lasted for about 7 hours. Of course, I was doing other stuff, and I accomplished a lot today - but all I really remember is being consumed by my (mostly evil) thoughts.
Don't get me wrong, today was a good day. Sobriety is weird, though. Like...every day is a good day, but they all have a bit of negative thinking, weirdness, depression, and anxiety mixed in there - just to keep it interesting.
At about 5pm, I realized I hadn't eaten any food, so I kept sitting there for like an hour, thinking about how I should probably get some food. Then I made a frozen pizza...the $1.29 kind that provides both the instant satisfaction AND the instant regret. Then I spent a ridiculous amount of time being anxious about another situation, and I finally concluded that it's out of my control, so I started reading a book. (The book I'm reading is called Accidental Saints, and it's really good/funny/full of lines that will give you the "God chills".)
In between all of that, I made sure to be kind to a bunch of people in my phone. Being nice to others helps me get out of my own head for a few seconds. In truth, I do have a good heart, but I'm also nice because it helps me. How's that for honest? And now I'm here writing this, and wondering if I should backspace all of it, because that's what I do.
Through it all, it's another day sober. And I know exactly why I didn't drink today, even though I actually thought about it for a second:
I hit my knees and prayed this morning. I've done that every single day for 30 straight months, and I've been sober for 30 straight months. You do the math ;)
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